Lisa and I shared a good laugh yesterday. We were sitting on the front porch, reading the paper and having a cup of coffee together. A cool breeze was blowing. She had laid the newspaper section in her lap and was staring off into the trees. I asked her what she was thinking in there. She turned to me, gave me that little Cindy Lou Who smile of hers, and asked, “Is the mockingbird the State flower?”. She immediately caught herself and we both started laughing. She followed with, “I meant bird… I know the bluebird is the State flower… I mean bluebonnet!”. And we laughed some more. Simple slips of the tongue that could happen to anybody, but Lisa now obviously has a good excuse for hers. When I really look at the scans – not just the size of the tumor but the swelling in the adjacent brain tissue that shows up as white on the scans – it amazes me that her symptoms aren’t much more severe. I thank God for that, and for the promise that the original Lisa will soon be within our reach. But I still have my question… What is Lisa thinking in there? I don’t want to ask her to write, because it just wouldn’t happen. But I will try an interview. I’ll ask her questions, and then do my best to capture her responses. But first, you should know that I picked up the CD and report from yesterday’s scans this morning. Short Summary: There has been no change since the previous scan. We now know that there is another frontal craniotomy in the Powell family’s near future. We’ll discuss the details with Dr. Tumu on Tuesday, and will let you know when we know more. Lisa, I want to interview you for the blog. I know that your friends and family would love to hear from you directly, so I’ll ask you some questions and try to capture your answers verbatim in the blog. OK? Lisa: OK (giggle) So we just got the report and we now know with certainty that surgery is coming. How are you feeling about all of this? Lisa: It’s good to have a path. I want to get this thing fixed, and as soon as we can get back to life as we knew it. I find myself really wondering what this decades long experience has been like for you. Did it happen so gradually that you never suspected anything was wrong, or can you recall a point where maybe you knew? Lisa: I never really suspected something like this. I mean I knew something was wrong and thought, you know, the hormone imbalance idea was feasible. But you know after the fact, it makes a lot of sense. I lost my sense of smell, and getting more and more kind of forgetful and spacey as time went on. I’m glad to have an answer for that. In thinking about your really exciting and positive prognosis, what do you find most exciting? Of the things this tumor has taken from you, what one thing are you most excited about possibly recovering? Lisa: Hmmm. They’re all sort of tied together. But, you know the one thing is to have energy and drive back, and, and my full range of emotions. Cause I don’t like not having the drive to do things. Like I used to. There are a lot of people who are praying for you every day. Is there any message you would like to send to them? Lisa: Really thank you and I love you. And I hope to be able to pray for each one of those in the future when they need it most. If you were going to recommend a book to read right now, what book would it be and why? Lisa: Hmmm… I’ve read a lot of good books over the past six months or so. Um, Hmmm. Pillars of the Earth is one of my all time favorites. I love that book because of the depth and the length of the story and how it tied to what we do as structural engineers. And it gave a glimpse of what life was like in the Middle Ages. So that’s one of my favorites. At this moment in time, what is your biggest worry or fear? Lisa: Hmmm… Um. Probably, you know, the 24 hours immediately after surgery… coming out of surgery and not sure what I’m gonna to feel like, and... Um, I just remember with Zac that that was kind of a critical part and I felt bad that he had to kind of suffer through that. But at this point I don’t know how much of it he actually remembers, so maybe he’s OK. At this moment in time, what one aspect of life makes you most hopeful? Lisa: Well I mean the fact that we’ve, you know, discovered what it is that’s been messing with my mind and that we have a clear path to remedy that. And I’m excited to regain all the things that I’ve lost and maybe don’t even know that I’ve lost. So… looking forward to that. If your life right now were analogous to a favorite culinary recipe, what would that recipe be and why? Lisa: (after taking some time to contemplate…) OK so the recipe I thought of is for Creme Brulee… One of my favorite, favorite desserts. And we’ve got all the ingredients all assembled and the recipe ready and there’s a few um, very delicate and important steps and we have to mix it all together and bake the custard and then to flame broil the sugar topping. And those things have to be done very carefully but the end result is delicious and cool creamy custard with the delicate crunch of the broiled sugar on top… it just tastes so amazing. So… that’s what I thought of. Fast forward 6 months, and you feel like your old self again… You want to celebrate! Some memorable event will celebrate such a major milestone in your life… what will that event be? Lisa: Hmmm… I think it will have to involve travel of some sort with the whole family. And for us all to see a new place and discover new things and have an adventure together. Thank you. Is there anything else you would like to say? Lisa: I guess I’ve never imagined being in this position. And I really am appreciative of everything that everyone has done for me - all the prayers and all the pampering… um, especially after we found out what was causing it. And so I just... I’m thankful for my family and friends and, um, I guess I look forward to getting back to normal – whatever that is. (laughs)
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I guess we all feel the same way about test day. Except on those days when you really know your stuff, and you're confident that you'll ace the test. But this wasn't one of those days. This was one of those days when maybe you didn't have a great grasp of the material to start with, and instead of studying last night you accidentally crashed and enjoyed an extra long night's sleep. Now it's time for the test, and the writing is on the wall. The train is headed straight for you, and you're frozen on the tracks. It has been clear since we reunited in Austin after our respective trips to Florida and Holland that Lisa's symptoms have not improved. If anything, they are even more pronounced. I'll be surprised if the scans show any significant change in the tumor. Although I still strongly believe in the science behind the cancer cure we tried, I think we have learned that a cancer cure is not applicable to a decades old and slow growing benign tumor. So the last few days have been a bit heavier... the Peter Pan belief that we would dodge this bullet has vanished, and now it's more a matter of bracing for the hit that you know is coming. Now the waiting is the most painful part. Bring it on, and let's get it behind us! That's how I feel, but this isn't about me. Lisa is quick to point out that it is her skull... but still she agrees that if it has to happen, the sooner the better! Even so, she kept an even keel and a smooth smile as she donned the medical gown, and then was whisked away for a quick CT scan and a somewhat slower and noisier MRI. We should be able to pick up a CD with the scans tomorrow. Our follow up appointment with the neurosurgeon is next Tuesday, August 1. We're no radiologists, but we will likely be very familiar with the scans before that time. We'll see what we see, and what we learn in our visit with Dr. Tumu next Tuesday morning. In the meantime, please don't forget to Pray for Lisa. We can't thank you enough for that! P.S. Lisa just gave this post her official review and comment, and said that it seems a bit defeatist. But realistic, she said... But she doesn't want to appear to be giving up faith... she's not; we're not. So maybe the natural cancer cure doesn't apply to Lisa's case... we still both agree that it was worth a try. But we have also both seen and know the real power of prayer. Your prayers for Lisa are her surest route to a successful outcome, whatever path that takes us down. We are not defeated. In the spirit of Monty Python's Black Knight... it's just a flesh wound!!! So if you're paying attention, you must be wondering about the follow up scans. They were originally supposed to be on July 21st - yesterday. But then Lisa got lost in Philly for 4 days while being off of the maple grapel regimen, so we decided to postpone the scans in order to recapture those 4 days. Lisa confirmed while she and Jake were in Florida and I was in Holland that she would schedule the scans for July 25th. But she didn't get around to it... she did call and scheduled the scans on our way to Dallas yesterday morning for Mom's funeral. The CT scan and MRI will be done this Thursday, July 27. The CT scan is to get good detail on the bone structure at base of her brain above the sinus cavity, from where the tumor presumably sprang. The MRI gives better detail of the tissues and the tumor itself. So that's the schedule. Regarding expectations... I don't see any improvement or change in Lisa's symptoms, so I'm mentally preparing for surgery as our next step. I've never been accused of being a pessimist, but I understand that we are trying to apply a cure for cancer to what is not really cancer. Lisa's slow growing tumor has been expanding over decades. This kind of tumor does show up on a PET scan and gobbles sugar at around 2 1/2 times the rate of a healthy cell, but I believe that cancer cells gobble sugar at a rate more like 14 times that of a normal cell. Regardless of the outcome of our trial period with Lisa, If I am diagnosed with cancer tomorrow this will be my first attack in trying to overcome it. While in Holland, I had the opportunity to make a piece of art in the studio where I was helping artist Steef Crombach make a movie about her work. She is reviving and updating an ancient technique called batik - a method of using molten wax to draw on cloth in combination with the use of dyes to produce beautiful artwork with unique color separation characteristics. I had the thought of making an image of Lisa's brain scan - of the thing that has so profoundly affected our lives. I looked at the phone photo I took of the scans in the neurosurgeon's office. I zoomed in on the lower left image... And then I met the evil monkey. The beady little eyes staring off to his right, shadowed by his big tumorous forehead... That little shit eating grin... Even the monkey nostrils tying it all together... So I undertook a project to transform pain into art, with some expert guidance in the art from batik master Steef. Meet Evil Monkey... 2017. Slated for execution, one way or another. Please continue to pray for Lisa.
OK... I never should have written that my goal was to post something daily. I was under stress at the time, and I didn't know what I was saying. As soon as I post this I will update you on Lisa, but first things first... Yesterday was Mom's funeral in Dallas. It really struck me when I got back from Holland that, although there were a certainly those moments of gut wrenching grief while I was there, the real grieving process was just laying dormant in Texas, waiting for me to check back in. I do so deeply appreciate the time when I was checked out. The celebration of Mom's life was beautiful. As life would have it, with distant jobs and sick babies, we were well short of having the entire family there. But the many who could be there still filled the dining hall with warm bodies and even warmer memories of Mom. We definitely felt the spirit and love of all of our family and friends who could not be there in person. A shot of me and three new fellow orphans that I love dearly, and something I wrote for Mom... Mom If she could see me right now, Mom would roll over in her grave I think she probably can see me, but Mom’s not laying in a grave And she won’t be tomorrow Mom is flying She’s free of her backaches and swollen knees Back in her body of 33 She’s dancing with Dad, He’s making her laugh With those two they both are the better half They’re dancing no doubt to Nat King Cole, when Jesus cuts in with a smile The long tall Texan gently bows out, with his grin and impeccable style I know Mom is happy so I’m happy too My tears aren’t for her, they’re for me and for you We’ll sure as hell miss her, just like we miss Dad And missing so much can be painfully sad Of all that they gave us, and there was a ton They and we know what was gift number one We knew we were loved, we could see it and feel it Not just by them, but by Father Son and Spirit Thank God for the faith that we’ve been given Today we can smile and keep on livin’ Early morning mass, just Mom and the boy Visiting old folks and seeing their joy Time with the orphans, a poor family’s Christmas Mom showed by example who the real Jesus is Those big blue eyes and that warm gentle smile A heart that beats love like it’s going out of style She’s now part of each of us, but her Spirit is free Let’s be kind to the orphans… now that includes me I love you Mom Big hugs to Dad and Jesus Cheers! Seems like these posts are being dominated by airports and travel, but this one is quite a bit different. Yesterday morning, way before sunrise, I dropped Lisa and Jake off at the airport to go spend two weeks with her parents in Florida. Lisa had a batch of maple magic and a spoon in her purse, as well as a shopping list for their stop at the Whole Foods in Florida: pure maple syrup, aluminum free baking soda, organic red grapes, pure Concord grape juice... you get the picture. After dropping them off, I drove to Houston and boarded the first leg of my flight to Holland... a long planned trip that has both strong business and personal elements to it. While we were in transit, so was my dear sweet Mother. She has been soldiering on and fighting the good fight since losing Dad almost 8 years ago. After a brief but rapid decline into congestive heart failure over the last few weeks, Mom made her move. Surrounded by family and knowing that she is deeply loved, she has gone to see "her Tom". Heaven just got a little brighter, and a bit more talkative. Mom and Dad are dancing together again, but this time Nat King Cole is playing live for his two biggest and most Unforgettable fans. I received the call in the Detroit airport. My brother Richard and his wife are in New Mexico camping, my niece is in Africa on safari. Other members of the family received the news in Maine and In California. After confirming that Lisa and Jake were safely delivered to her parents in Florida, I boarded the plane to Amsterdam as an orphan and in a bit of a fog . When we are all back in Texas, we will gather to celebrate a life very well lived... Louise Slevin Powell. God now has one of his favorite children right there by his side, and we are left here feeling a bit sorry for ourselves. My dear sister and even dearer friend, Trisha, snapped a few photos of me and Mom together 5 days ago. So this is my last picture of me and my Mom together... and I will treasure it always. It does a fine job of capturing both Mom's joyful spirit and my inherent blurriness. I do have to say... when I signed up to be a blog writer, I didn't know that the job would be quite this hard. Please do keep the prayers coming! Mom doesn't need them anymore; she is all good. But those of us that she left behind could use a few. And most especially, please pray for Lisa! I wrote this last night, but then got distracted by life and didn't get it posted... Well deja vu! I'm currently sitting in the cell phone lot at Austin Bergstrom airport. My first time here was this last Wednesday morning. That incredible conversation with the Philly airport police began right here, and ended on the shoulder of the road between here and the terminal building. After a relaxing and enjoyable day at home together, Lisa and I arrived at the airport a while ago. We got here in time for Jake's return from BMX Camp, and then found out that his flight is delayed for an hour. Lisa is currently in the terminal building, where she'll be able to go to the gate to meet Jake - since he's an unaccompanied minor. We still haven't replaced Lisa's lost phone, so she's once again loose in an airport with no phone. She did promise to come back. If I go offline for a few days, you'll know what happened!!! But no... I have faith. She will connect with Jake, he'll call me to say they're on the way to baggage claim, and a reunion of the Powell five will be within reach! ...and so it happened! Lisa did indeed come back, and Jake is home from BMX camp with no crutches, casts, or stitches! It's great to be reporting good news. I'd like to make a habit of that. I still intend to make a real post later today, but for now I've received a handy tip that I want to pass on:
It's not entirely obvious how to leave a comment... If you want to, just click on the comment counter under the title of each post (the one that usually says "0 Comments") - that is a link to a page where you can leave your comment. This will be my last comment about comments. |
AuthorWritten by David, with review and approval by Lisa before posting Archives
January 2018
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