I have for you some news about which I am pumped – I’m excited to report that I’m officially Un-slumped! It began with a road trip, just me and my bride; she did the driving so I could just ride. We talked and laughed for mile after mile. Our time together really made us both smile. We now smile bigger than lately you’ve seen. Cause we’ve found our answer to Question 15! I’d happily do the whole thing as a rhyme, but I’m behind on my work and I don’t have the time. OK… Stop!!! We drove to Houston on Saturday to visit a dear friend, and then drove back the same day. So Lisa and I had six hours in the car together, and they proved to be six hours of bonding and remaking old connections. Over the months since the diagnosis and surgery, she and I have been reconnecting in ways that have been really magical. We were so very tight at first… we would regularly finish each other’s sentences. Soul mates. We always made each other laugh and smile. But we had lost that years ago, and I really didn’t expect to ever get it back. I can’t tell you how incredible the experience is of seeing all of these stolen treasures unexpectedly returned to us. But still, key elements were missing. Elements that had a fundamental impact on me. Me. That became my focus. I found myself drinking more. Losing hope. In a Slump. I couldn’t concentrate on my work. A man without an anchor, because of one unanswered question. I prayed for guidance, and I prayed for peace of mind. I prayed for Lisa’s continued healing, and for resolution of what I now believe was the very first symptom; the first thing the Evil Monkey stole from us. I found enough peace to write again – the last post. And then a rather vigorous family discussion helped me get a little closer back to being me. The person I used to be. I was looking for my own resurrection. And then this roadtrip that felt like a rolling reunion with my long lost love. And then… with lasting goofy smiles, Lisa and I crossed through the 15th question, after finding the answer on our own. But really, not on our own not in the least – so very many of you have knocked along with us, and He has answered with great love! Thank you!!!
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“And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.” (Dr. Seuss – Oh the Places You’ll Go!) Now there is some literary genius! Basic truth well rhymed. It’s been almost a month since my last post. I sat down a few times to write, and it just wouldn’t come. I felt bad for not writing – there are so many of you who have been complimentary and encouraging, and I’m letting you and myself down when I don’t write. But I guess my soul has been a little dehydrated and weak for the last month or so. An accumulation of things that left me feeling like a hollow shell, a sail with no wind. So the words wouldn’t come. Not in writing, not even in conversation. Even now, it’s a struggle. My struggle. And that in the midst of a set of circumstances that our whole family recognizes as being richly blessed. We had lost Lisa, and she is found. She’s back at work full time, plus a little. She’s getting healthy and active, fitting back into clothes that she outgrew years ago. We had a really sweet Christmas day with Elise, Zac and Jake. There were those poignant moments like when Nat King Cole’s Christmas Song came on, and this orphan felt both the presence and the absence of Mom and Dad. And Bonnie, June and Dixie dogs added new and fun elements to our family dynamic. We all enjoyed a day at home together, but for me personally there was a very odd element to our Christmas. For the first time in my memory, I didn’t go to Christmas mass. Our family tradition is to go to midnight mass. I didn’t bring it up, and nobody else did either. Of all the things I could fail at, my last choice would be to fail in my duty as our family’s spiritual leader. But those words seem a little hollow at the moment. One undercurrent to our Christmas celebration was knowing that our dear friend Fr. Isidore could not freely celebrate Christ’s birth. Because of a bishop’s weak and unjust decision, this good man was separated from his family and friends. Seeing that coming, we had invited him to spend Christmas with us, and maybe to even say a family mass in our home. He wanted to join us but was forced to decline, and so I didn’t much feel like going to church. So there’s that. Mix in another personal ingredient or two, and I can too easily find myself standing in the middle of a room full of friends and family but still totally alone. Self-induced solitude. Looking for the lessons that come with each cross. Waiting for the words to come again. My problem is not with God, or even with the Catholic church. I know that God is good all the time, and that Pope Francis is a man of God. But I do have a real and significant problem with the local diocesan leadership. I don’t know if God’s lesson for me in all of this is to learn to take a loss and look for the good in it, or if I am supposed to fight for an unlikely change in that leadership. But when you have no wind in your sails, it’s hard to fight for squat. Step one: breathe deeply. I guess Step 2 would be to exhale, and then repeat. Then smile, focus on all of our many blessings, and say Happy 2018 Ya’ll!!! Please pray for Lisa’s continued healing, and for each of ours. Peace! |
AuthorWritten by David, with review and approval by Lisa before posting Archives
January 2018
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